September 24, 2010

Can I tell you how much I love my girl?

How can you not love this face?

At night when Olivia gets her last bottle before bed I rock her for a good 20 minutes after she falls asleep. The infamous Dr. Sears says that 20 minutes is the magical time that ensures babies do not wake back up....sometimes it doesn't work but I'd say most of the time it does! those 20 minutes I often find myself praying. Last night my prayers were of thanks to God for protecting both Olivia and I during these past 3 months.

I never thought I'd ever say this in my lifetime but I am SO thankful for medication. Until experiencing PPD/PPA I really did not understand people who could not seem to control their emotions and thoughts. As a Christian I figured they just didn't know enough of the Word or they were weak. This experience has helped me to see that sometimes there really is a physiological reason behind someone's inability to get themselves together. I know that the irrational thoughts I had for weeks on end were not "me". Looking back I am just so grateful to God for making sure neither me nor my child were harmed during that time. My sense of hope is beginning to be restored and I am now able to start looking forward to the future and start letting time ease the memory of the past.

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