November 24, 2010

Telling Yourself the Truth

This past week I took a day to declutter in anticipation of a visit from my mother-in-law and just simply because I've begun to get very frustrated with anything in excess.  I think having a baby has made me want to simplify my own life and belongings as much as possible.  I can't really control, nor does it bother me, that Olivia has a million things all over the place at home but me and my husband's clutter is stomping on my last remaining nerve!

So, I started in our office.  As I've mentioned before I am learning to sew.  Our house is a small starter home so there are not many choices for a sewing area.  We decided to donate the PC that was on my desk to someone in need and give the monitor to my brother since it is nicer than what he has but looking around the room I knew there was no space for a new hobby without some major purging. 

Up until having Olivia I have always been an AVID reader.  When we got married I sold most of my beloved books in yard sales since we were merging our homes.  However, I kept a full bookcase of those I couldn't part with.  But, on this day I realized it was time to let go of old things if I wanted to have some new things.  So, I parted with things I NEVER thought I would!  Specifically, I shredded all of my personal journals and my written-in bible studies.  Even just typing that out is making me have slight heart palpitations! 

When I was single I journaled like a mad woman....I had stacks and stacks of notebooks filled with my thoughts, dreams, prayers and of course all my hurts and disappointments as well.  In an instant I just knew it was time to get rid of them....and the bible studies too.  I have done more Beth Moore bible studies than anyone I know, some I've done two and three times!  I had them all on my bookshelf...reminding me of what a wonderful spiritual person I used to be.  Truth be told, since getting married, I have really forsaken my relationship with God.  I haven't become a heathen or anything like that but I just have stopped making time for Him in lieu of all the other stuff that seems more pressing.  In some ways I think that holding onto those bible studies somehow still made me feel like I was the same person who made time for God first.  But the truth is that I am not and I need to come to grips with where I am now, let go of the past and make a new present and future.  I need to truly start putting God first, then my husband and then my child.

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